Well, hot damn, the pig still lives!

Yeah.

So shrijani made it safely back home, and I finished out my sorry work-week, and am now "enjoying" my first night off without her. I can never not truly enjoy a break from that damn job, but this is the closest I'll get to that.

I suppose that I could have made mention that I was gonna be falling silent on LJ, but, hell, who would have noticed? Hell--I don't do much of anything while she's here save bask in her proximity.

I should call some people tommorrow.

I heard from one of the Interstate Compact people that I should hear something from them in the ass-end of April. Keep those fingers crossed. They might have sent the paperwork off wrong, as Kansas hasn't got it, or, at least, they say they don't have it. But the guy I talked to today said that it might be because it takes them a while to get the processing finished, and that means being entered into the computer, as well.

So I'm falling into Senioritis at work, and I'm starting to kick myself again, for not "getting enough done". Everybody keep fingers crossed for us, for this transfer thing. If it doesn't go through, then the amount of time it takes for it to not go through might screw with us financially. It might be difficult for us to get together if the damn thing takes too long. Well, immediately, at least.

My initial appraisal of the situation is still holding. Things keep popping up that are disheartening, frightening, even, but I refuse to back down from them, and ways continue to open. I'm thinking that, yes, things might get a little heavy come "go time", but there will be a way to get it all done, and survivably.

So I figured I would do this update right quick, and then try and do some writing, maybe, or maybe get some of the other little things done around the place thatI've been thinking of.

Bark at ya laters.

(no subject)

So.

In looking through the old entries and tagging them, I have come to hold a mirror up to the experiences that have changed my life so dramatically. I have been reminded of the mindset that I had throughout that entire trying time, and I have realized something of the cyclic nature of my mind. I have also come to the realization that all trials, no matter how all-consuming, shrink through distance and time, to where you can actually tell yourself in wonder--how did I think that was so bad?

It was all a misery, a hard thing, but at the same time, it was easy, because all the hard decisions were made for me, based simply on those things I valued. So now, when hard things show up, i simply ask myself those same questions:

What do I want?
What can I actually acheive?

And I go from there. So, I guess, in a way, I have become more of a ruthless and terrible creature. Or perhaps it's simply that I am a more straightforward person. Direct. I know i am tired of being held back and fucked with by other people, but life, and the acheiving of one's desires, is like trying to get out of the mosh pit once you're tired. The hardest part of the song has just hit, and all you can do is try to keep your feet, bash your way through the middle, and pick your footing as best you can.

Sometimes.

Another thing is that I have realized that, just as all the stress and external direction was stifling was hellish, I had every excuse to take time for myself and decompress.

Now that I am re-establishing myself, and trying to work towards my goals, I find that I still suffer from the same motivational problems that I once was prey to. The aggravation is still the same in this town, the stresses and horseshit begging I have to do just to get myself through a week, or a month, of free life, are the same as they were while I was in the shelter, but this time the direction has to come from me, and the duties, once I'm home and the work has ended for another day, are mine to complete or not, as I choose fit. And because the things I choose to do, things to further my futuree and my aspirations, aree more esoteric, they tend to be hard as fuck.

And so I tend to put them off.

Hell, the struggle just to voice these thoughts may be another way of delaying.

God knows, the six open Word windows haven't been worked with for a half-hour now.

So, fuck it. Back to another attempt at work.